Engaged

Yes, as the title says, I am now officially engaged. No, this is entry is not a love story. This is more like a description of how I felt when my fiancé told me we should get married. I don’t think there was any “question-popping” moment. I think it was more like a declaration. A declaration that he was ready to settle down and start the rest of his life with me. Of course, I myself was ready for that and since we have been talking about marriage and stuff for quite sometime now, I knew we are just waiting for the right time. But still, even if I had the slightest inkling of idea that he would soon propose, when the moment came, I was still shocked out of my brain. When he told me “let’s get married”, I thought he was joking. But when I saw him holding the ring… My initial reaction was to look away and closed my eyes, like it was something disgusting or obscene. I was terrified. I was shocked. I was excited. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know how I should react. Then I slowly opened my eyes, looked at him (I looked directly into his eye, I didn’t even look down at the ring again!), I smiled then tears started welling up my eyes and I hugged him. He was chuckling while we were hugging. His soft laugh was the most happiest, most nervous laugh I’ve ever heard from him. I buried my face in his neck while I was smiling and tears were running down my face. When I came up from what seemed like an eternity of being buried in his neck, I saw the collar of his shirt was stained with my mascara. I said sorry, I felt shy, embarrassed, nervous, and weak in the knees. He said it’s okay, told me not to worry about it and all. Then I looked at him again and I was laughing and crying at the same time. I finally gave him my hand, and nodded a few times as an acknowledgement that I accept his proposal. He then slipped the ring on my finger and there it was! I was engaged! After all that, I still did not even glance at the ring on my finger. I was terrified. Happily terrified! And my mind kept screaming “Oh my God!” like huge letters kept popping in my brain: OMG! I didn’t know what to say, all I can think about was “This is it. I’m engaged. I said yes! There’s no backing out now! Touchmove! This is real!”

It went on like this inside my head for a couple more days. All the plans I had before, all the things I wanted vanished and I was back to zero. I had to start rethinking what I want for a perfect wedding. I’m sure I am not the only one who got engaged and felt like this.. Or am I?

There is only one way I could probably describe what I felt (and still feel): it’s a rollercoaster ride. It’s terrifying but you enjoy it. It’s scary thinking of whatever disaster could happen while your spinning upside down but your happy. It’s a leap of faith; everything will go according to God’s plan, and His plan is always for your good.

And now, the planning starts…

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